"Steering Clear of Emotional Entanglements"

"Sorrow is born in the hasty heart..."

I am beginning to see how God is working in my life, if I let him. It's amazing, sometimes funny, and kinda scary...

My sponsor recently asked me if I had the book, "Living Sober." I did. I bought it my first go around two years ago. I hadn't picked it up this time, though, rather than flipping through erratically. Yet I knew right where it was - in the top drawer of my nightstand.

This morning I randomly picked it up and turned to the table of contents. "Steering Clear of Emotional Entanglements" caught my eye and I read over it, thinking that it was exactly what I needed to reinforce my new feelings of resolve against becoming involved. Since my post on Sunday where I equated JY to "one last drink" I have been relieved of the obsession over him. :)

The passage (found on page 60 of "Living Sober") speaks of our drinking days and the time spent concerned about our personal intimate ties and how we were preoccupied with deep involvement - or non involvement - with other people. Many of us justified our drinking by blaming it on "lack of affection!" - Sound familiar?

Alcohol DID NOT ripen our comprehension of mature love, nor our ability to enter into and handle it if it did come our way. Rather our drinking left our emotional selves..scraped,bent,bruised, if not firmly warped. (Ummmm, my emotional self would definitely be warped.)

When I tell some of my friends about the no-dating rule and how involved my sponsor is, they scrunch up their faces and voice their opposition. They say that is one of the worst rules and they ask, "why?" I laugh because I thought the same thing. I couldn't imagine how I could NOT date anyone for a whole year! That was over 2 years ago when I attended meetings the first time. Guess what? In those two years, I didn't have one single relationship of any meaning. Only sex - and unhealthy obsession and delusion and insanity, not to mention danger. I actually had an affair with a married biker who carried his belongings around in a white kitchen trash bag. Seriously. And I thought it was funny....more great material for my book. SO this time around, I realized that perhaps I should take a year off...that was nothing to sacrifice compared to a life of meaningless flings and regrettable experiences. The selection was definitely going downhill.

So as my friends are shaking their heads, I think of my fragile sobriety and that AA experience shows that "the first non drinking days are likely to be periods of great emotional vulnerability." We can either become infatuated with new crushes or be so numb that we are immune to such feelings. I am definitely the one who crushes as I've already lived through my first AA crush...he actually kept me coming back. He was brimming with enthusiasm and love and I wanted what he had. He looked at me with a genuine concern and sparkle in his eye. I often had to remind myself that he looked at everyone that way. My obsession was starting to cause me uneasiness, but I was afraid to tell my sponsor, so I talked to a couple of other AA friends about it. They didn't really tell me anything I didn't know, but I lost the preoccupation after I shared with them. I still see him and even went to church with him two weeks ago and it was cool. We're friends now (and hopefully he doesn't know about my innocent little crush).

The passage reiterates that no important decisions should be made early in sobriety and applies particularly to decisions involving other people for they may contain high emotional potential. Immature or premature liaisons are crippling to recovery. We need time to mature before we can maturely relate to other people.

And, as an answer to my question of "how will I know when I'm ready", I can look to the last paragraph, " When our sobriety has a foundation firm enough to withstand stress, then we are ready to work through and straighten out other aspects of our lives. Until then, I must do FIRST THINGS FIRST and concentrate first on sobriety alone, steering clear of ANY risky emotional entanglements.

So after reading this, I go to a noon meeting. I never go to a noon meeting, but had to because I had plans tonight. I walk in and they are reading out of "Living Sober." I have never been to a meeting where they've read out of "Living Sober." And they are reading "Steering clear of emotional entanglements." Wow! God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself - again. He is so awesome!

So just in case I did not understand that I cannot date JY or have any kind of a relationship with him (or anyone fr that matter), I was reminded not once, but twice today. I guess my HP knows how thick my skull can be at times.

Grateful:
1. Felt better today...
2. Cute outfit!
3. I lost one more lb. since the last time at WW.
4. Finally made it to the bank.
5. Talked to John with NAMI - there is hope! I may get to tell my story after all.
6. Talked to Mary because I genuinely wanted to and not because I had to.
7. God making things obvious to me in case I don't get it.
8. Getting to do the film festival thing because my best friend is awesome!